Hitting 50: A Bittersweet Victory

Tomorrow, I am going shopping. This has been a highly anticipated shopping trip for me and is now necessary as the fall weather settles in and winter is peering around the corner. So few of my clothes fit! And why is that, you ask? Well friends, I have reached the 50 pound mark in my Weight Loss Journey. Fifty! That's a kindergartner! When I started this journey back over a year ago, I honestly couldn't see myself where I am now. I was thinking I could maybe lose 15 or even 20 pounds. But here I sit. Fifty pounds lighter, several sizes smaller, much healthier.

I can remember the first time I ever stepped on an elliptical machine. I barely made it 15 minutes. On a level one. Now a quick work out is 3 miles on the elliptical. Today I was under 10 minutes for my first mile- level 5 on hills. I'm not trying to brag- I'm just amazed that what was once impossible is now the norm.

Funny thing about losing fifty pounds... I feel like I am still the same. On the inside, of course, but on the outside, too. My friends comment on how I'm "wasting away" and I never see it. I'm still in "big girl" land. I still hide behind my sense of humor and don't let people get to close. I was looking at pictures the other day, and yes, I do see a huge change in myself. I'm looking forward to the day that my brain registers the reflection in the mirror is really me!

Sadly, this victory of the scale comes on the heels of a great loss. When I was a senior in high school, my English teacher would mention every now and again that she was on Weight Watchers. I can remember her saying she liked it because she could eat half a dozen Krispy Kreme donuts if she wanted... she just might not be able to eat anything else all day! She was open and animated about her journey. I didn't think much about it. At the end of the year, at Senior Breakfast, I remember seeing her in the cafeteria. My friends and I noticed she was thinner. Not dramatically, but enough to comment to her about it.
I saw her maybe a year later and didn't even recognize her until I heard her voice. She had lost over 100 pounds.
Fast forward to May 2010. I had had enough of looking in the mirror and hating what looked back at me. I thought to myself "If it worked for Mrs. Long, it can work for me."
She was my inspiration. She was the reason I am sitting here today, fifty pounds lighter. And I never got to tell her that. 
She passed away this week. An allergic reaction. No one saw it coming.
One day in class, instead of doing work, she had us work on a contest she wanted to enter through WW. It was a short paragraph on why she deserved to win a cruise. She didn't know what to write, so she made us do it. She was just that kind of woman- no shame. Back then, I didn't know what to say. But if it were given to me today, I know what I'd write. She was an inspiration. She made it OK to be who you are at any time- even when that time is 11 o'clock, in your pajamas, buying cheap books from Wal-Mart because you can't sleep without reading first and you ran out of things to read. She wasn't ashamed of who she was, but she wanted to change that reflection in the mirror. And thanks to her, I found the courage, will power, motivation, and confidence to change my reflection, too. 

Enough sad. I know she's up there happy as can be. And probably saying something sarcastic about us all. With the AC turned way down. 

Then... April 2010 with Dr Luiken

Now-ish. I still don't like full length pictures to be taken of me. But I should be getting some from a friend soon-ish.  This was K's wedding in July... I'm down 5lbs since then. =) (Third from the left)

What happened to summer?

Today was Mom's first day of school! Where did summer go?! Here's a strange fact- I, of all people, did not go to the pool or the beach at all this summer. Not once. I feel like I need a do-over. I love water related things! It just ended up not working out. Both trips to the ocean ended up not working out because I had just started my job. Money trumps beach, sadly.
BUT! I did get a new car. Yay! The Neon is no more. I am now the proud owner of a 2011 Corolla! I love it.
Job: Eh. It is what it is. I can't really complain. Kids Choir might end up being my undoing, but I'll do what I can.
Music Therapy: Well, right now, no one is paying me for MT. But I'll be doing two groups at Mom's school with both SpecEd classes. Hopefully, this will lead to getting paid to work with these kids! I really would love to see MT in the schools here. I think there's a great need and lots of potential. I just have to prove MT is something worth fighting for! 
Labor Day weekend, I get to drive it up to VA to go claim my belongings. Where am I going to put all that stuff? Who knows. I would love to get my own place, but right now, my options are: find four people to live with so I could afford rent (and no, I don't know for people I would live with in NA) or live in places that are... well, not on my list of places I would consider living. Because as a single white female... well, not a good plan. So, I'm here at home saving for a townhouse. Or until Prince Charming comes in a sweeps me off my feet, whichever comes first. (My vote is for Prince Charming.)
I have lost another 5 lbs, bringing my total to 45 lbs lost. Yay!
Speaking of Prince Charming, he can totally ride in any minute now... 

Movin' On Up

I AM NOT AN INTERN ANYMORE!!!

Today was my last day as an intern! I am (almost) officially ready to practice Music Therapy. As soon as I take -and pass- my board exams. Graduation is Saturday and then my undergrad career is officially over. How strange. I can remember that first week of my internship- feeling overwhelmed, scared, intimidated, excited. Much like that first week of school way back when. My, how life has changed.

In celebration, I've decided to actually write a real blog post. One with details and everything. I wish I had pics... but I just don't. Sorry world.

The past week has been filled with goodbyes. I have had to say goodbye to the 35 kids I work with! That's a lot of goodbyes! For the most part, they went smoothly, no tears or tantrums. The kids were ok with it, too. I did have one student refuse to sing goodbye, one wrap himself around my legs, one "Love You" from a mostly non-language user, lots of hugs, and even some "I'll miss you"s. I'm not typically one to get super emotional, especially in front of people I'm not super close to, but I will say I've teared up in the car a few times after those sessions. I wasn't quite prepared for having some of those kids mean as much to me as they do now. But when you see students make progress- use language, grow skills, laugh, sing, play... It's hard to separate yourself. These students, and I hope many, many more, are part of who I am. They have changed me and molded me in ways unimaginable. I can't imagine having done my internship anywhere else.

Now I'm (sort of) in the process of packing up to return home. I can't say I'll really miss living in a college town, but I will miss those people I got to know and count as friends here. I was an outsider who was invited into a small part of Virginia Tech for a short while. And even if I don't have any idea what the point of the game of Corn Hole is, I'm glad to say that I have friends here and will count it among the many places I call home.

This past nine months, I have discovered I can live without Diet Coke. And eating out. Which very much helped in the almost 40 pounds I've dropped in the past year. Now for those last 12 pounds to make 50 and to KEEP IT OFF. Wish me luck. I don't want to go back to where I was. Ever. Unless I'm about to birth a child.

Still single. Shocking, I know. But I have faith. That guy is out there somewhere. I just don't know where yet. If anyone out there has any idea, please clue me in.

We're finally settled in the new house. The grass is growing and the driveway is poured. My car is parked behind the house in it's own spot. Obviously, it's time for me to move on.

Now I have to find a job! Eek!

Musical Moments

The end of my internship is drawing near and I'm really enjoying this last month or so of sessions. The students are responding well and I'm comfortable enough to try new and more challenging things. I've been doing more improv activities and I'm learning to make up songs as I go- much sucess with the Clock Song and So-and-so ate Ms Julie. Today I had my additional session with my case study student and it's just so awesome to see the difference in him from the start of the year. He used to say maybe five "words" per session and now he's chattering the whole time, even singing with me! And he looks like a Fraggle, so the combination of enthusiasm and Fraggle is just too adorable. Downside of coming to the end is that I'm swamped with work. Researching and writing my case study, reading two books simultanesly and trying to spend enough time planning sessions to keep them interesting and new, and looking for that all important JOB. As my case study would say, Whew!

"Spring Break" is a week and a half away and I can't wait! I'm headed to Charleston before heading home and I cannot wait to see my friends!

In other news unrelated to anything else, I've lost a total of 35 pounds. =)

I love you, Ms Stephanie!

That's the first thing I heard this morning when I got to school. What better way to start the day? Well, other than Kathy Lee and Hoda, which I also got to watch today! For last week's Tuesday having been so awful, today has  been awesome. =)

Not to be premature, but it's looking like I'm going to reach 35 pounds this week putting me ahead of my goal for graduation and Kayla's wedding! That's exciting! Especially when I consider I never honestly thought I'd be at this point. I wanted to, and here I am. Officially wearing a smaller pants size than I ever did at CSU. Thanks for that, Caf. I blame Jimmy and his Philly Cheese Steaks. Darn you, Jimmy.

Almost down to one month until graduation, less than a month until I return to Charleston! Who's excited? I am!

A Post-Christmas Update

Oh, it's been awhile since I've posted! Since the last post I have moved, had a meeting which hopefully result in a job, unpacked almost all of my belongings, come home for Christmas, and am now the unwilling owner of a lovely cold.

On my apartment: LOVE having my own space to watch what I want, eat what I want, etc. Even though I'm still eating dinner upstairs... That's ok. Homecooked food... what a burden I carry. Most of my things are unpacked and I'm starting to put things on the walls. Pictures are on the dresser, posters on the living room wall, lights plugged in, books on the shelves. It's a nice little place to have. Pictures to come once I have both internet and my camera in the same location.

On Christmas: Quite a lovely Christmas here at home. I got almost all grown-up gifts. And Beauty and the Beast. Because... come on. It's pretty much the best Disney movie of my childhood. Also received my own sewing machine. Now my creative juices can flow in a whole new way! Picked up some cross stitch sets to work on in the evenings when yarn isn't calling my name. Thinking of learning how to embroider here in the not to far off future. I'm telling you, I was born in the wrong century. I'd make an awesome housewife 60 some-odd years ago.

On Personal Triumph: This time last year, my pants were not fitting and I was having to go up a size. Those up-sized pants are now (literally) falling off, those pants that were too tight are now too big, and I've gone down another size since starting this weight loss thing in May. Slow and steady!