"Well, you should smile..."

Today, just this evening, I think I've had a revelation. Maybe that should be more of a "reveal-ation" because it's like the obvious has been right in front of me for some time. I shall explain...

This evening, I was at church helping out with the youth band. My main "role" is more or less a vocal coach- helping figure out harmonies, giving a few pointers here and there, nothing huge. This evening, there was a guy there who was filling in on drums who I had been in the youth band with way back in the day. It took me back- back to those days in high school where I was so driven to please my Father, when there was such a movement within the church and the youth group to really worship. Later, I was talking with R and J- the current leader of the youth band and the guy I used to play with- and R mentioned that she liked watching J play because he was so loose and free when playing. She said it made her want to smile to which his response was "Well, you should smile... it's worship."

When was the last time worship really made me smile? And not because the band sounded good or because the song was new and fun, but because worship is just that- bringing Glory to our King? In high school, our band wasn't some great, incredibly gifted group on the verge of getting a record contract. Just the opposite- we messed up, we made stuff up, we goofed off, we were kids. I think now we -I- get so hung up on perfection, on what sounds the best, how tight a harmony might be, that we -I- forget what's really going on. I'm so me focused I can't focus on God. I'm so concerned on what everyone facing me thinks of me, or even what those on stage with me think of me, that I can't worship God because I'm too busy worshiping myself.

Father, forgive me of robbing You of the worship You deserve. You created me to worship You. 


And you know what? Life is exhausting when you're not doing what you're supposed to be doing.


Where do I go from here? I have but one choice. "...Forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press onward toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus."

Validation

It's such a great feeling when you're doing what you know you're called to do. Today, I had a Music Therapy group with two students at my mom's school. They were two adorable little boys who are 4 and 5 years old- who isn't cute when they're that age? It was such a great experience! I was warned Monday that we might only make it 15 to 20 minutes of sitting and attending, and that's fine with me- new things can be hard to take sometimes and the 4 year old attention span is short enough already- but these guys not only attended for a full 30 minutes, but after I was done I pulled out my Ocean Drum and you would have thought I just pulled the moon from the sky! They sat a "shared" it back and forth for at least another 15 minutes. I say "shared" because the turn taking was not volunteered... Haha. The only thing that could have made the session any better would have been to get paid for it, but we're taking it one step at a time. I have to convince the "Powers that Be" that MT is beneficial and necessary and if that means not getting paid for services for a little while, then so be it. I am quickly gaining support with the Special Ed teachers and support staff, and that's the first step!
I really wish I could share with the world some of the pictures the teacher sent me- so sweet! One picture is just too cute- he could be the poster child for Music Therapy! Alas, I have a Code of Ethics and that little thing called "the law" I have to adhere to. Ah well. Just picture, if you will, a child totally engaged and excited about the music he's creating. =)

What happened to summer?

Today was Mom's first day of school! Where did summer go?! Here's a strange fact- I, of all people, did not go to the pool or the beach at all this summer. Not once. I feel like I need a do-over. I love water related things! It just ended up not working out. Both trips to the ocean ended up not working out because I had just started my job. Money trumps beach, sadly.
BUT! I did get a new car. Yay! The Neon is no more. I am now the proud owner of a 2011 Corolla! I love it.
Job: Eh. It is what it is. I can't really complain. Kids Choir might end up being my undoing, but I'll do what I can.
Music Therapy: Well, right now, no one is paying me for MT. But I'll be doing two groups at Mom's school with both SpecEd classes. Hopefully, this will lead to getting paid to work with these kids! I really would love to see MT in the schools here. I think there's a great need and lots of potential. I just have to prove MT is something worth fighting for! 
Labor Day weekend, I get to drive it up to VA to go claim my belongings. Where am I going to put all that stuff? Who knows. I would love to get my own place, but right now, my options are: find four people to live with so I could afford rent (and no, I don't know for people I would live with in NA) or live in places that are... well, not on my list of places I would consider living. Because as a single white female... well, not a good plan. So, I'm here at home saving for a townhouse. Or until Prince Charming comes in a sweeps me off my feet, whichever comes first. (My vote is for Prince Charming.)
I have lost another 5 lbs, bringing my total to 45 lbs lost. Yay!
Speaking of Prince Charming, he can totally ride in any minute now... 

MT-BC

Today, it's official.

I am a board certified Music Therapist.

Hold your applause.

Other than that, life goes on as usual. Work is starting to have a routine. Sometimes I'm super busy, other times I twiddle my thumbs.

My car is barely hanging on... Our days together are numbered. I'm planning on trading it in late summer or early fall. Fingers crossed we make it that far.

Off to Kay's wedding this weekend! Yay! I'm excited. I mean, I've only known they were going to get married since they started dating. It's about time. And this means I get a weekend in Charleston! Oh, sweet Charleston! I've missed you.

Hopefully with the start of school and a few things I have lined up at the end of the summer I will start doing some MT. Crossed fingers there as well.

Other exciting news... Hm. Well... I can afford to go shopping again. That's exciting. Especially since I can afford non-necessary items like shoes and jewelry again. Sometimes, it's the small things.

Employment

Man do I love the Boll Weevil. If you ever visit me, we will go and we will eat cake. Or pie. Or cheesecake.

Today I had cake at the Boll Weevil because... I got a job! Yay! A grown up job! I don't have to serve food, I don't have to sell clothing, I don't have to stand up for hours on end! Yay! I will be a secretary and kids music coordinator at my church. It's not Music Therapy, but it's a job. And hopefully there will be time to start seeing some clients some afternoons. So things are looking up! I am employed and I am happy about it. =)

Weekend Update

I feel like I should post something, just to keep the wide world of mostly people I don't know up to date with my super exciting life. Here goes...

• Currently living in a construction zone. Ha. Remodeling the kitchen. Floors are done, cabinets come in next week. I'm looking forward to having the kitchen appliances back in the kitchen.
• Green-lighted to schedule my boards! Yay. 
• Worked VBS last week. Started in music, ended as a "special helper". 
• Singing lots at church both in the choir and in the praise band. Lots of fun. Mom and I cut up a lot in choir.
• Hopefully a job opportunity is opening up. Prayers and fingers crossed on this one! It would be part time giving me a chance to start seeing some Music Therapy clients. If this falls through, I'll probably end up subing this school year. I'd rather be an aide though. But really, I'd rather get this job. =)

Aaaaaannndddd.... That's pretty much it!

Puzzle Palooza

I don't know who named this camp, but it certainly wasn't me. Ah well.

This week I'm working at a camp for children with Autism. Well, working probably isn't the best word for it since I'm not getting paid. But whatever. I'm working with the OT- who is fantastic AND knows about MT! She's been more than happy to work in some music with her plans. I didn't know I was going to be there until Friday and she didn't know until she walked into the room. Yay spontaneity!

It's been... Interesting. Because the workers are mostly parents of kids at camp and students who, I assume are either siblings or kids from the church it's held in, some are better with the kids than others. But because they're volunteers, you don't want to walk up to someone you don't know from Adams house cat and say "You're doing this wrong and this is why this child is reacting this way to you." But I did tell one younger girl that the only reason the child she's working with is behaving the way he is is because she reacts every time. It's a game to him now and he thinks its funny. She didn't really listen. Ok, go ahead and think you know better than I do, it's fine. I'm only 10 years older than you. And I have a college degree. But whatever.

I have had several lovely MT moments thus far. The Purple Alligator song is a hit, of course. I have had two different ask to "play" my guitar for the class, and one who also sang and "played" for the class. This coming from the student who told us he didn't want to participate because he couldn't throw a ball very well. Love it.  And I have had a largely nonverbal student talk to me. More than once. I think it's because I take the time to understand what he's saying to me when he's not using words. And I know sign language, which he responds really well to.

And I've had parents ask for my info and for me to come speak or do a session for a few support groups in the area. Things are looking up for my Music Therapy career around here! Now... I have to conquer the board exam!