Here we go again...

So, here we go. New year, new start, blah blah blah. Well, I did decide that I am going to actually try to write in this blog a little more often this year. But I think I'll go back to my bloggy roots and not try to put pressure on myself to try to turn into one of those trendy Music Therapy bloggers. So, to kick us off, the year in review...

Actually, let's just sum up.

In 2011, I finished my internship, graduated college, moved back home, and now work as a secretary.

Yep, that's pretty much the whole year.

Ha. I feel like such a Debbie Downer.

Today is January 1st. I got to sing In Christ Alone at church this morning, which is one of my favorite songs and always takes me back to when I was on choir tour in Prague. We had sung in the Czech speaking service at the Baptist Church in Prague and heard this song being sung from somewhere. We went to find the source of the music and found the English speaking service- the one we were originally going to sing in but couldn't for some reason. Well, we found out pretty fast it was due to a total lack of space in the English service- there wasn't an extra inch of space in that room. And yet, when we opened the door, they wanted us to stay, offering us their own seats. There were people from all over the world- not just Prague, but Asian countries and African countries.

We should take a chapter from their book- they were filled to the brim and yet so willing to forgo their comfort for a stranger.

Stuff My Dad Does

You may or may not have met my father. He's an interesting character. He does many things, many of which I don't understand and most of which drive me crazy. To keep from lashing out in frustration, I shall simply share with you a glimpse into my everyday life.

So, without further ado, the list of Things My Dad Does (which I don't understand)

1. Short shorts. O.o

2. Staring at nothing for hours on end.

3. Sitting next to the answering machine with that annoying little beep telling you there's a message and letting it beep instead of just pushing play.

4. Muting commercials. During every. single. commercial. break.

5. Fox News. All. the. time. Even in the morning! Who does that?!

6. Always coming in to the house and feeling the need to say my name at a really high pitch. It grates my nerves.

7. Eating one spoonful of whatever I made for dinner. I'm not Burger King, you cannot have it your way. 

8. Suddenly deciding foods you have always eaten and enjoyed are now unacceptable to be eaten. Don't care. Eat something else.

9. Insisting on taking out the trash before I come home on Wednesday. This would be fine if he checked the trash can in my bathroom. But no. I have to take out my trash, in the dark at 9:00 every week. 

10. You really wanted another mini van? Really? I'm glad you don't like the way new ones look. That's embarrassing.

11. Now that you're not coming home early on Thursday, you get home the same time the rest of us do. We still manage to make a real meal for dinner. Why is it that on your night to cook we have leftovers or frozen meals? And, on that note, why do you only eat those things when YOU cook them?!

12. Picking the stupid peanuts out of the stupid peanut butter with a butter knife. Why? Because peanuts aren't peanutty enough.What?

13. "Got any plans this weekend?" Uh, it's Saturday morning. It's a little late to be asking now.

14. The schedule's on the fridge. Don't act surprised when I leave to go somewhere.

15. Getting offended when I won't eat your high calorie, high fat meal. I'm not going to do it. And I've told you that. 

16. Corn and baked beans are not vegetables. They never have been, they never will be.

17. Using the phrases "man food" and "diet food" makes me want to never eat anything you cook. It also makes me want to hit something. 

18. Instead of putting the dishes away, stacking them all over the counter because you have yet to bother to learn where the dishes are.

19. Drinking nothing but knock off Diet Coke. All. Day.

20. Pastel striped shirts that remind me of the circus. I don't know who said those were acceptable to be worn by anyone, but they were wrong.

Hitting 50: A Bittersweet Victory

Tomorrow, I am going shopping. This has been a highly anticipated shopping trip for me and is now necessary as the fall weather settles in and winter is peering around the corner. So few of my clothes fit! And why is that, you ask? Well friends, I have reached the 50 pound mark in my Weight Loss Journey. Fifty! That's a kindergartner! When I started this journey back over a year ago, I honestly couldn't see myself where I am now. I was thinking I could maybe lose 15 or even 20 pounds. But here I sit. Fifty pounds lighter, several sizes smaller, much healthier.

I can remember the first time I ever stepped on an elliptical machine. I barely made it 15 minutes. On a level one. Now a quick work out is 3 miles on the elliptical. Today I was under 10 minutes for my first mile- level 5 on hills. I'm not trying to brag- I'm just amazed that what was once impossible is now the norm.

Funny thing about losing fifty pounds... I feel like I am still the same. On the inside, of course, but on the outside, too. My friends comment on how I'm "wasting away" and I never see it. I'm still in "big girl" land. I still hide behind my sense of humor and don't let people get to close. I was looking at pictures the other day, and yes, I do see a huge change in myself. I'm looking forward to the day that my brain registers the reflection in the mirror is really me!

Sadly, this victory of the scale comes on the heels of a great loss. When I was a senior in high school, my English teacher would mention every now and again that she was on Weight Watchers. I can remember her saying she liked it because she could eat half a dozen Krispy Kreme donuts if she wanted... she just might not be able to eat anything else all day! She was open and animated about her journey. I didn't think much about it. At the end of the year, at Senior Breakfast, I remember seeing her in the cafeteria. My friends and I noticed she was thinner. Not dramatically, but enough to comment to her about it.
I saw her maybe a year later and didn't even recognize her until I heard her voice. She had lost over 100 pounds.
Fast forward to May 2010. I had had enough of looking in the mirror and hating what looked back at me. I thought to myself "If it worked for Mrs. Long, it can work for me."
She was my inspiration. She was the reason I am sitting here today, fifty pounds lighter. And I never got to tell her that. 
She passed away this week. An allergic reaction. No one saw it coming.
One day in class, instead of doing work, she had us work on a contest she wanted to enter through WW. It was a short paragraph on why she deserved to win a cruise. She didn't know what to write, so she made us do it. She was just that kind of woman- no shame. Back then, I didn't know what to say. But if it were given to me today, I know what I'd write. She was an inspiration. She made it OK to be who you are at any time- even when that time is 11 o'clock, in your pajamas, buying cheap books from Wal-Mart because you can't sleep without reading first and you ran out of things to read. She wasn't ashamed of who she was, but she wanted to change that reflection in the mirror. And thanks to her, I found the courage, will power, motivation, and confidence to change my reflection, too. 

Enough sad. I know she's up there happy as can be. And probably saying something sarcastic about us all. With the AC turned way down. 

Then... April 2010 with Dr Luiken

Now-ish. I still don't like full length pictures to be taken of me. But I should be getting some from a friend soon-ish.  This was K's wedding in July... I'm down 5lbs since then. =) (Third from the left)

Bambi!

Today, I helped rescue a teeny tiny fawn! I was walking from my car to Kids Choir and looked out the window into the courtyard that faces the main road in downtown, and there in the window was a baby deer. We're talking itty bitty baby deer. I called Public Safety, the custodian who let me in after getting locked out in the courtyard called the head of maintenance, and while PS was on their way, Kevin and I cornered the deer, I picked her up and put her- where else- in the nursery. She was so small, she lost her mother and then couldn't get home. She was confused by the reflection in the windows.
Public Safety arrived, they called a guy to come pick her up and take her to a place that would be able to take care of her and then release her again when she's big enough. Right now, they'll have to bottle feed her. =(

Now, in my family, the real question is... does this count as my first deer?

"Well, you should smile..."

Today, just this evening, I think I've had a revelation. Maybe that should be more of a "reveal-ation" because it's like the obvious has been right in front of me for some time. I shall explain...

This evening, I was at church helping out with the youth band. My main "role" is more or less a vocal coach- helping figure out harmonies, giving a few pointers here and there, nothing huge. This evening, there was a guy there who was filling in on drums who I had been in the youth band with way back in the day. It took me back- back to those days in high school where I was so driven to please my Father, when there was such a movement within the church and the youth group to really worship. Later, I was talking with R and J- the current leader of the youth band and the guy I used to play with- and R mentioned that she liked watching J play because he was so loose and free when playing. She said it made her want to smile to which his response was "Well, you should smile... it's worship."

When was the last time worship really made me smile? And not because the band sounded good or because the song was new and fun, but because worship is just that- bringing Glory to our King? In high school, our band wasn't some great, incredibly gifted group on the verge of getting a record contract. Just the opposite- we messed up, we made stuff up, we goofed off, we were kids. I think now we -I- get so hung up on perfection, on what sounds the best, how tight a harmony might be, that we -I- forget what's really going on. I'm so me focused I can't focus on God. I'm so concerned on what everyone facing me thinks of me, or even what those on stage with me think of me, that I can't worship God because I'm too busy worshiping myself.

Father, forgive me of robbing You of the worship You deserve. You created me to worship You. 


And you know what? Life is exhausting when you're not doing what you're supposed to be doing.


Where do I go from here? I have but one choice. "...Forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press onward toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus."

Validation

It's such a great feeling when you're doing what you know you're called to do. Today, I had a Music Therapy group with two students at my mom's school. They were two adorable little boys who are 4 and 5 years old- who isn't cute when they're that age? It was such a great experience! I was warned Monday that we might only make it 15 to 20 minutes of sitting and attending, and that's fine with me- new things can be hard to take sometimes and the 4 year old attention span is short enough already- but these guys not only attended for a full 30 minutes, but after I was done I pulled out my Ocean Drum and you would have thought I just pulled the moon from the sky! They sat a "shared" it back and forth for at least another 15 minutes. I say "shared" because the turn taking was not volunteered... Haha. The only thing that could have made the session any better would have been to get paid for it, but we're taking it one step at a time. I have to convince the "Powers that Be" that MT is beneficial and necessary and if that means not getting paid for services for a little while, then so be it. I am quickly gaining support with the Special Ed teachers and support staff, and that's the first step!
I really wish I could share with the world some of the pictures the teacher sent me- so sweet! One picture is just too cute- he could be the poster child for Music Therapy! Alas, I have a Code of Ethics and that little thing called "the law" I have to adhere to. Ah well. Just picture, if you will, a child totally engaged and excited about the music he's creating. =)

What happened to summer?

Today was Mom's first day of school! Where did summer go?! Here's a strange fact- I, of all people, did not go to the pool or the beach at all this summer. Not once. I feel like I need a do-over. I love water related things! It just ended up not working out. Both trips to the ocean ended up not working out because I had just started my job. Money trumps beach, sadly.
BUT! I did get a new car. Yay! The Neon is no more. I am now the proud owner of a 2011 Corolla! I love it.
Job: Eh. It is what it is. I can't really complain. Kids Choir might end up being my undoing, but I'll do what I can.
Music Therapy: Well, right now, no one is paying me for MT. But I'll be doing two groups at Mom's school with both SpecEd classes. Hopefully, this will lead to getting paid to work with these kids! I really would love to see MT in the schools here. I think there's a great need and lots of potential. I just have to prove MT is something worth fighting for! 
Labor Day weekend, I get to drive it up to VA to go claim my belongings. Where am I going to put all that stuff? Who knows. I would love to get my own place, but right now, my options are: find four people to live with so I could afford rent (and no, I don't know for people I would live with in NA) or live in places that are... well, not on my list of places I would consider living. Because as a single white female... well, not a good plan. So, I'm here at home saving for a townhouse. Or until Prince Charming comes in a sweeps me off my feet, whichever comes first. (My vote is for Prince Charming.)
I have lost another 5 lbs, bringing my total to 45 lbs lost. Yay!
Speaking of Prince Charming, he can totally ride in any minute now...