"Well, you should smile..."

Today, just this evening, I think I've had a revelation. Maybe that should be more of a "reveal-ation" because it's like the obvious has been right in front of me for some time. I shall explain...

This evening, I was at church helping out with the youth band. My main "role" is more or less a vocal coach- helping figure out harmonies, giving a few pointers here and there, nothing huge. This evening, there was a guy there who was filling in on drums who I had been in the youth band with way back in the day. It took me back- back to those days in high school where I was so driven to please my Father, when there was such a movement within the church and the youth group to really worship. Later, I was talking with R and J- the current leader of the youth band and the guy I used to play with- and R mentioned that she liked watching J play because he was so loose and free when playing. She said it made her want to smile to which his response was "Well, you should smile... it's worship."

When was the last time worship really made me smile? And not because the band sounded good or because the song was new and fun, but because worship is just that- bringing Glory to our King? In high school, our band wasn't some great, incredibly gifted group on the verge of getting a record contract. Just the opposite- we messed up, we made stuff up, we goofed off, we were kids. I think now we -I- get so hung up on perfection, on what sounds the best, how tight a harmony might be, that we -I- forget what's really going on. I'm so me focused I can't focus on God. I'm so concerned on what everyone facing me thinks of me, or even what those on stage with me think of me, that I can't worship God because I'm too busy worshiping myself.

Father, forgive me of robbing You of the worship You deserve. You created me to worship You. 


And you know what? Life is exhausting when you're not doing what you're supposed to be doing.


Where do I go from here? I have but one choice. "...Forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press onward toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus."

Validation

It's such a great feeling when you're doing what you know you're called to do. Today, I had a Music Therapy group with two students at my mom's school. They were two adorable little boys who are 4 and 5 years old- who isn't cute when they're that age? It was such a great experience! I was warned Monday that we might only make it 15 to 20 minutes of sitting and attending, and that's fine with me- new things can be hard to take sometimes and the 4 year old attention span is short enough already- but these guys not only attended for a full 30 minutes, but after I was done I pulled out my Ocean Drum and you would have thought I just pulled the moon from the sky! They sat a "shared" it back and forth for at least another 15 minutes. I say "shared" because the turn taking was not volunteered... Haha. The only thing that could have made the session any better would have been to get paid for it, but we're taking it one step at a time. I have to convince the "Powers that Be" that MT is beneficial and necessary and if that means not getting paid for services for a little while, then so be it. I am quickly gaining support with the Special Ed teachers and support staff, and that's the first step!
I really wish I could share with the world some of the pictures the teacher sent me- so sweet! One picture is just too cute- he could be the poster child for Music Therapy! Alas, I have a Code of Ethics and that little thing called "the law" I have to adhere to. Ah well. Just picture, if you will, a child totally engaged and excited about the music he's creating. =)

What happened to summer?

Today was Mom's first day of school! Where did summer go?! Here's a strange fact- I, of all people, did not go to the pool or the beach at all this summer. Not once. I feel like I need a do-over. I love water related things! It just ended up not working out. Both trips to the ocean ended up not working out because I had just started my job. Money trumps beach, sadly.
BUT! I did get a new car. Yay! The Neon is no more. I am now the proud owner of a 2011 Corolla! I love it.
Job: Eh. It is what it is. I can't really complain. Kids Choir might end up being my undoing, but I'll do what I can.
Music Therapy: Well, right now, no one is paying me for MT. But I'll be doing two groups at Mom's school with both SpecEd classes. Hopefully, this will lead to getting paid to work with these kids! I really would love to see MT in the schools here. I think there's a great need and lots of potential. I just have to prove MT is something worth fighting for! 
Labor Day weekend, I get to drive it up to VA to go claim my belongings. Where am I going to put all that stuff? Who knows. I would love to get my own place, but right now, my options are: find four people to live with so I could afford rent (and no, I don't know for people I would live with in NA) or live in places that are... well, not on my list of places I would consider living. Because as a single white female... well, not a good plan. So, I'm here at home saving for a townhouse. Or until Prince Charming comes in a sweeps me off my feet, whichever comes first. (My vote is for Prince Charming.)
I have lost another 5 lbs, bringing my total to 45 lbs lost. Yay!
Speaking of Prince Charming, he can totally ride in any minute now...