"Well, you should smile..."

Today, just this evening, I think I've had a revelation. Maybe that should be more of a "reveal-ation" because it's like the obvious has been right in front of me for some time. I shall explain...

This evening, I was at church helping out with the youth band. My main "role" is more or less a vocal coach- helping figure out harmonies, giving a few pointers here and there, nothing huge. This evening, there was a guy there who was filling in on drums who I had been in the youth band with way back in the day. It took me back- back to those days in high school where I was so driven to please my Father, when there was such a movement within the church and the youth group to really worship. Later, I was talking with R and J- the current leader of the youth band and the guy I used to play with- and R mentioned that she liked watching J play because he was so loose and free when playing. She said it made her want to smile to which his response was "Well, you should smile... it's worship."

When was the last time worship really made me smile? And not because the band sounded good or because the song was new and fun, but because worship is just that- bringing Glory to our King? In high school, our band wasn't some great, incredibly gifted group on the verge of getting a record contract. Just the opposite- we messed up, we made stuff up, we goofed off, we were kids. I think now we -I- get so hung up on perfection, on what sounds the best, how tight a harmony might be, that we -I- forget what's really going on. I'm so me focused I can't focus on God. I'm so concerned on what everyone facing me thinks of me, or even what those on stage with me think of me, that I can't worship God because I'm too busy worshiping myself.

Father, forgive me of robbing You of the worship You deserve. You created me to worship You. 


And you know what? Life is exhausting when you're not doing what you're supposed to be doing.


Where do I go from here? I have but one choice. "...Forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press onward toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus."