Hitting 50: A Bittersweet Victory

Tomorrow, I am going shopping. This has been a highly anticipated shopping trip for me and is now necessary as the fall weather settles in and winter is peering around the corner. So few of my clothes fit! And why is that, you ask? Well friends, I have reached the 50 pound mark in my Weight Loss Journey. Fifty! That's a kindergartner! When I started this journey back over a year ago, I honestly couldn't see myself where I am now. I was thinking I could maybe lose 15 or even 20 pounds. But here I sit. Fifty pounds lighter, several sizes smaller, much healthier.

I can remember the first time I ever stepped on an elliptical machine. I barely made it 15 minutes. On a level one. Now a quick work out is 3 miles on the elliptical. Today I was under 10 minutes for my first mile- level 5 on hills. I'm not trying to brag- I'm just amazed that what was once impossible is now the norm.

Funny thing about losing fifty pounds... I feel like I am still the same. On the inside, of course, but on the outside, too. My friends comment on how I'm "wasting away" and I never see it. I'm still in "big girl" land. I still hide behind my sense of humor and don't let people get to close. I was looking at pictures the other day, and yes, I do see a huge change in myself. I'm looking forward to the day that my brain registers the reflection in the mirror is really me!

Sadly, this victory of the scale comes on the heels of a great loss. When I was a senior in high school, my English teacher would mention every now and again that she was on Weight Watchers. I can remember her saying she liked it because she could eat half a dozen Krispy Kreme donuts if she wanted... she just might not be able to eat anything else all day! She was open and animated about her journey. I didn't think much about it. At the end of the year, at Senior Breakfast, I remember seeing her in the cafeteria. My friends and I noticed she was thinner. Not dramatically, but enough to comment to her about it.
I saw her maybe a year later and didn't even recognize her until I heard her voice. She had lost over 100 pounds.
Fast forward to May 2010. I had had enough of looking in the mirror and hating what looked back at me. I thought to myself "If it worked for Mrs. Long, it can work for me."
She was my inspiration. She was the reason I am sitting here today, fifty pounds lighter. And I never got to tell her that. 
She passed away this week. An allergic reaction. No one saw it coming.
One day in class, instead of doing work, she had us work on a contest she wanted to enter through WW. It was a short paragraph on why she deserved to win a cruise. She didn't know what to write, so she made us do it. She was just that kind of woman- no shame. Back then, I didn't know what to say. But if it were given to me today, I know what I'd write. She was an inspiration. She made it OK to be who you are at any time- even when that time is 11 o'clock, in your pajamas, buying cheap books from Wal-Mart because you can't sleep without reading first and you ran out of things to read. She wasn't ashamed of who she was, but she wanted to change that reflection in the mirror. And thanks to her, I found the courage, will power, motivation, and confidence to change my reflection, too. 

Enough sad. I know she's up there happy as can be. And probably saying something sarcastic about us all. With the AC turned way down. 

Then... April 2010 with Dr Luiken

Now-ish. I still don't like full length pictures to be taken of me. But I should be getting some from a friend soon-ish.  This was K's wedding in July... I'm down 5lbs since then. =) (Third from the left)