Stuff My Dad Does

You may or may not have met my father. He's an interesting character. He does many things, many of which I don't understand and most of which drive me crazy. To keep from lashing out in frustration, I shall simply share with you a glimpse into my everyday life.

So, without further ado, the list of Things My Dad Does (which I don't understand)

1. Short shorts. O.o

2. Staring at nothing for hours on end.

3. Sitting next to the answering machine with that annoying little beep telling you there's a message and letting it beep instead of just pushing play.

4. Muting commercials. During every. single. commercial. break.

5. Fox News. All. the. time. Even in the morning! Who does that?!

6. Always coming in to the house and feeling the need to say my name at a really high pitch. It grates my nerves.

7. Eating one spoonful of whatever I made for dinner. I'm not Burger King, you cannot have it your way. 

8. Suddenly deciding foods you have always eaten and enjoyed are now unacceptable to be eaten. Don't care. Eat something else.

9. Insisting on taking out the trash before I come home on Wednesday. This would be fine if he checked the trash can in my bathroom. But no. I have to take out my trash, in the dark at 9:00 every week. 

10. You really wanted another mini van? Really? I'm glad you don't like the way new ones look. That's embarrassing.

11. Now that you're not coming home early on Thursday, you get home the same time the rest of us do. We still manage to make a real meal for dinner. Why is it that on your night to cook we have leftovers or frozen meals? And, on that note, why do you only eat those things when YOU cook them?!

12. Picking the stupid peanuts out of the stupid peanut butter with a butter knife. Why? Because peanuts aren't peanutty enough.What?

13. "Got any plans this weekend?" Uh, it's Saturday morning. It's a little late to be asking now.

14. The schedule's on the fridge. Don't act surprised when I leave to go somewhere.

15. Getting offended when I won't eat your high calorie, high fat meal. I'm not going to do it. And I've told you that. 

16. Corn and baked beans are not vegetables. They never have been, they never will be.

17. Using the phrases "man food" and "diet food" makes me want to never eat anything you cook. It also makes me want to hit something. 

18. Instead of putting the dishes away, stacking them all over the counter because you have yet to bother to learn where the dishes are.

19. Drinking nothing but knock off Diet Coke. All. Day.

20. Pastel striped shirts that remind me of the circus. I don't know who said those were acceptable to be worn by anyone, but they were wrong.