Take the Plunge

Well, here we go! Yes, I have finally done it- I have a job as a Music Therapist! I'm actually getting paid to do therapy! No, it's not a lot during the summer, and yes, it currently requires a 2 hour drive every week because I'm still working part time in the office... but that's ok! I'm willing to do it! I'm working mostly with individuals with special needs with some nursing home work thrown in there on occasion.

I had my first sessions today. It was an OK day as far as first days go. Two clients I had not met last week when I was shadowing the girl I am taking over for. First meetings are always interesting- finding out likes, dislikes, goal areas, what works, what doesn't work, etc. My sessions at the nursing home were OK. The first was better than the second, but the activity level for one is much higher than the other. And it's been a LONG time since I've worked with geriatrics. Whew! So different than the kiddos I see! And, naturally, the client I was most nervous about went awesome.

So, now I have to find somewhere to live. And hope I don't have to choose between food and gas!

In other news... Well... That's most of my news right now. =)

I like that I'm always telling myself I'm going to be a more active blogger... and then I stop writing for weeks (or months) at a time. Funny how that works, isn't it?

Well, in the last few weeks, I've presented Music Therapy at one of the local hospitals, attended the SER-AMTA conference in Charlotte, and was a guest, along with Elmo, with one of the local support groups. Coming up in May, I'll have a booth at one of the local Resource Fairs for parents with children with Special Needs. All in all, a good day for Music Therapy! Now, if only I can get a job in my actual field!

Leading up to conference, I had to miss three weeks of sessions with my kiddos- two to make up work hours and another week they were on Spring Break. I didn't realize just how much they kick off my week! Those kids are so full of excitement and happiness! I really wish I was working with kids full time. I am seriously looking into private practice! Scary, but I think it might be the best path for me to take at the moment. And it would get me out of my parents house. (And I am SO ready to get out of my parents house! Don't get me wrong, I love them. But seriously. It's time.)

Spent last weekend with some most lovely people at the zoo. And the mall. And the park. And Jacob's house. What I wouldn't give to live in the general proximity of these lovely people. Pics to come of that adventure. (I'm at work... Shh! Don't tell!)

I find myself in a general need of an attitude adjustment. And it's not like I don't know the cause of said icky attitude. I've been trying to do things my way instead of the way of my most Glorious Creator.

And where has that gotten me? Well, let's review...
1. I'm unsatisified with my work situation. I know this isn't where I'm going to be forever, but I'm here now and I should be applying myself to the best of my abilities everyday. Instead of using this sense of unsatisfaction to propel me forward into a job I'm called to, I'm just sitting at my computer complaining. Not helpful.
2. I'm unsatisfied with myself. This is a day-by-day struggle that I face everyday- the person in the mirror. And I mean that on a totally "face-value" level. Since May 2010, I've been on a journey to change my reflection- mostly in the way of losing weight. Of which I've been successful, but there are days where I am just all around unhappy with myself. I've come to accept that this will be something I'll deal with for the rest of my days and I will overcome it. And come out stronger in the end.
3. I'm unsatisified with my current "relationship status". Well, this is both true and untrue. I mean, I'm not filling out a profile on match.com or anything, but I'm more than ready to be through with the singleness part of my journey through life.

General unsatisfaction and a large void in my life that I can't fill. And you know what? I can't fix this problem on my own. I think I'll hand it over to Someone far greater than myself.

"Sing a song about Valentines and pirates."

Today's title is brought to you by one of my Music Therapy students. I sang him "The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything". It was the first thing that came to mind. At least I met half the criteria. =)

Today is Valentines Day. And once again, I'm single.

But this is not a "woe is me, pity me, the single girl, on Valentines Day because no one loves me, blahblahblah."

Actually, this has been one year where Valentines Singleness hasn't bothered me at all. Call it getting older and wiser, but whatever. Actually, I think this year I can credit some very special people to my lack of self pity.

I spent this weekend in my favorite place on earth, Charleston, with my favorite people. The same people who made my birthday so memorable. Saturday I actually spent in a meeting and missed the first part of what ended up being a pretty fantastic day. I'm pretty sure had I been there for the whole day, by the time I did join up with everyone, I would have been so overwhelmed I would have cried. But that's not the point. While I was in said meeting, the guys had set up a scavenger hunt all over downtown with clues and candy for each of us girls. I was supposed to have one as well, but darn you meeting for robbing me of that. I came in when they were on the last clue and jumping in the car and then followed them to one of the guy's houses. After standing around talking for a few minutes, we're informed the day isn't over and to come inside. Where the other of our guys are inside making dinner and have set the table and are being completely amazing in general.

I know candy and dinner isn't exactly rocket science. But I wish there were more guys like these five in the world. They will do anything and go totally out of their way to do something for someone else. In a world where girls feel ignored and are made to feel like they have to compromise everything about themselves, here are five guys who did this just because they wanted to. They made six girls feel special and appreciated.

So, to these guys, thank you. Thank for you being who you are. For being above and beyond. Don't let that ever, ever change.

I don't know what the future holds. But I will count myself lucky if I am blessed enough to have a man in my life who is half the man these guys are.

When Enough is Enough

So, before anything else is said, I will say that this blog is not me trying to get a whole bunch of people to give me complements. It's not. I figure if I have these thoughts, someone else out there does, too. And it's always nice to know you're not alone.

55 pounds ago, it was easy to hide. It was easy to make excuses. I had 55 reasons to hide behind.

Well, now those 55 reasons are gone. Over the course of two years, I lost my excuses.

One of my deepest desires is to be desired- to be pursued, to be wanted. I want to fall in love- the deep, head-over-heels in love you never recover from.

55 pounds ago, I told myself that the reason I was single was because I was unattractive. I didn't like myself, why should anyone else? I looked in the mirror and didn't like the reflection. I didn't even like my own personality most of the time because I used sarcasm to keep people out and it worked. So I decided to change it.

So here I am, almost two years later and 55 pounds lighter. With every pound I lost, I lost an excuse. I've gone from a size 14 to a size 4. But you know what? The same insecurities plague me now that did when I was heavier. When I look in the mirror, I still see the imperfections.

Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever be happy with myself. If I'll ever stop trying to make myself what other people want me to be. If anyone will ever look at me with that kind of look that stops the world and makes me feel like I'm the only person in the room.

I hope so.

In the end, it's not really up to me, is it? God's got this. He's got my heart, He's got everything else. In all things, I pray that I find joy and satisfaction in where I am.

Ups and Downs

This weekend I had the most wonderful time in Charleston, the city in which my heart resides. I had quite forgotten how wonderful it is to be surrounded by people who love you and understand your quirks and love you for every bit of you.
It was also my birthday this weekend- 24! I'm getting old. It's weird to think back to when I was nine or ten and to remember all the things I thought I would have done by now- graduated college (yes), full time job (not quite), married (not even close). But I can't say I'm unhappy with where I am now. I could be happier, yes, but that has to do more with my physical location than anything else. Speaking of locations, this weekend brought to light just how little I have keeping me here. If I can find a full time job in Charleston... I'm pretty much already there.
Returning to my church in Charleston was so much like going home. I have missed the way Summit worships with pure joy and abandon. I wish I could afford the drive to be there every Sunday. But, at the same time, God reminds me that I am to find joy and satisfaction in Him regardless of my location or situation. So I press on toward the prize.
I have made it past the 55 lb mark. Hear that? FIFTY FIVE POUNDS. That's almost 1/4 of my body weight when I started this journey in May of 2010. As I get closer to my goal weight, I have to admit I'm kind of terrified. What if I can't maintain this? I refuse to go back to the way I was. I suppose that will be it's own journey that will come with it's own struggles.
Today I also hit another pretty impressive goal- I ran 6 miles today. On the elliptical, but it was set to hills on a level 6. A year ago, running more than a mile was daunting. Now a mile is a warm up. How far we have come in such a short time.

For my birthday, we went to see Beauty and the Beast in 3D. We dressed like Disney characters for the occasion. You now understand why I miss these people so much.

And my lovely beach. It was cold, but it welcomed me home with welcome arms. =)

ABC Gum and Ryan Reynolds

Well, we're one day away from another work week done. It has taken forever, and I didn't even work Monday!

Taught the 4 year old choir class last night. That was... an adventure. Man. Don't put high school kids in charge of 4 year olds. Just don't. It doesn't work well.

So, today, I was once again faced with one of my biggest frustrations. Now, as we go into this controversial section of the blog, let us remember, this is my opinion. Anywho, this frustration is with severely obese people not doing anything to help themselves. I'm not talking over weight, but so large you have to use a wheelchair (Does this confuse anyone else? You're too large to walk so instead of encouraging healthy habits like, I don't know, walking, we give you a chair to sit in. What?). I'm sympathetic to those with legitimate health problems that prevent mobility or that cause you to gain weight- thyroid issues, etc, but I do not sympathize with those who sit around on disability because they're too large to work and eat an incredibly poor diet. I know, I know, there are always two sides to every story, but as someone who has lost 50 lbs and has to work hard to maintain that weight, it frustrates me to no end to see people so unhealthy. It's not the weight, it's the poor health, I think, that frustrates me so. And yes, I have to remind myself everyday "food will not make you feel better!" whether that's looking to feel happier, or more complete, or more satisfied in life, or whatever. The Biggest Loser this season is themed around the phrase "No More Excuses". I like that. I like it a lot.

Gross moment of the day: Today there was a piece of ABC gum on a piece of paper just chillin' on the top of the copier. G.R.O.S.S. We finally deduced that, for whatever reason, someone had taken a number of papers out of the trash and had put them on the copier. Why? We don't know.

And we end the day with Ryan Reynolds in the cardio gym. Nothing like a good looking man to get me to run just that much faster. =)

Here we go again...

So, here we go. New year, new start, blah blah blah. Well, I did decide that I am going to actually try to write in this blog a little more often this year. But I think I'll go back to my bloggy roots and not try to put pressure on myself to try to turn into one of those trendy Music Therapy bloggers. So, to kick us off, the year in review...

Actually, let's just sum up.

In 2011, I finished my internship, graduated college, moved back home, and now work as a secretary.

Yep, that's pretty much the whole year.

Ha. I feel like such a Debbie Downer.

Today is January 1st. I got to sing In Christ Alone at church this morning, which is one of my favorite songs and always takes me back to when I was on choir tour in Prague. We had sung in the Czech speaking service at the Baptist Church in Prague and heard this song being sung from somewhere. We went to find the source of the music and found the English speaking service- the one we were originally going to sing in but couldn't for some reason. Well, we found out pretty fast it was due to a total lack of space in the English service- there wasn't an extra inch of space in that room. And yet, when we opened the door, they wanted us to stay, offering us their own seats. There were people from all over the world- not just Prague, but Asian countries and African countries.

We should take a chapter from their book- they were filled to the brim and yet so willing to forgo their comfort for a stranger.