Wasted Moments

You know, it's probably are really good thing I'm not really in charge. Like, of life. Mine, anyway. I can only imagine where I'd be if I were. I'd have a different major at a different school, I never would have come to VA because I would have never heard of Music Therapy. I wouldn't have my most amazing of friends who stick by me through thick and thin even when they're six hours away. They listen to me complain without trying to give me unwanted advice, they rejoice with me when I'm happy, they remind me that there's a much bigger picture for my life than what I can possibly see or imagine.

But just because I know that there's more for me than my small mind can possibly begin to wrap itself around, that doesn't stop me from trying. And when things don't go my way, or the way I think they should, when people end up not to be who I wanted them to be or thought them to be, when people walk out of my life, when I walk out of others... I can't say I'm always overjoyed. In fact, if I could count the amount of times I've lamented over one thing or another, the amount of time spent on someone not worth it, the number of times I've made myself feel less than I am because of someone else... That's a lot of wasted time. My goodness. Think of all the other things I could be doing. And think of how much better my life is than so many others. What right do I have to complain?

I'd like to say it won't happen, but that's a lie. I know it will. Because I have some strange thought in my head that what I want is what's best. Laughable. I'd really like to say that I won't be made to feel less than I am- less pretty than someone, whatever. But that probably won't happen. I can lose 30 lbs fairly easily. But retraining myself to think is a little harder.